I love reading blogs, especially their About Me pages. By browsing other people’s stories and feeling the path of their lives, I can rethink myself differently.

I am a small-town boy. Unlike those boys who seem to be lively, I am not too interested in most things. Even with some of the popular recreational activities, I also quickly get bored. When it came to studying, it’s the same. I know that learning is fundamental, especially in the Chinese college entrance examination environment. But I don’t think I work very hard, and I keep on the benchmark line for every subject to avoid failing. But all in all, in the end, I was admitted to a university that was not very good but only around the baseline.

I was muddled and unsure of the future direction at that time. Unlike the exciting college life of others, mine seems unusually plain. Going to class, eating, and sleeping it’s the same things every day.

Similarly, after graduating with not particularly outstanding but ordinary grades, I ended my university life. Then I have worked in a typical company for about a year. Even if this job was not what I like, I can adapt quickly and adjust to the normal state.

Just in a random early morning, there was no one on the street. I was on my way to work, and I closed my eyes and listened to the music in my headphones. Suddenly at that point, I seemed to realize that every day for the past year has been the same, just repeating itself over and over again. I was shocked, and I find that I only live for one day and the rest 70 years of my life are just repetitions.

At that time, I decided to change my current life, but I didn’t know what part of my life should be changed. After a couple of days of considering, I chose to continue studying, even though I wasn’t sure I was really interested in it. Anyway, I quickly quit this job and prepared to apply to graduate schools.

Time seems to have returned to the high school study time, and the same repetition happened again. Studying, eating, sleeping, day by day. But during that time, a friend accompanied me to study together, and it seemed that my life routine had changed a little bit.

After several months of preparation, I was successfully admitted to a graduate university. And I will be starting my further study career in September this year. It seems that everything is going well now, but I feel that my future life will still be as repetitive and uninspiring as before.

Let me talk about other things. My age and family may ask me to live according to the life path they set for me, but I know I will let them down one day in the future. When they see that I will not marry a woman and may not have children, I wonder if my daily life will change? You wonder why? Because I like men and I am gay. And being gay is not allowed in China.

I always strangely feel scared and peaceful at the same time.

And there are some collections where I explore more blogs: