I don’t know when our relationship faded. Maybe I wasn’t your best friend, but you were my best. Maybe not that accident, we will not change, not as cold as now.

Remember the old you, cheerful, lively, never sad about miscellaneous things. Look at your back, looking at your arms, are so charming. I missed that moment when you carried me on your back; I missed that smile when you fed me; I missed that sincerity when you talked about the problem for me. I and you, the alternation of hearts, is the basis of our friendship.

I have few friends. I remember meeting you in the heavy rain at the beginning of high school without knowing you, and you smiled at me, and I was hooked. Although I didn’t share a table with you during the three-day entrance education, I always looked back at you and sitting in the first row. I just made a terrible impression on the teacher. At the time of enrollment, the teacher said, “xx! I used to have a student named xx, so Tian!” At first, I didn’t understand, but then I realized that Tian meant naughty. The next day, I was warned by the teacher, but it didn’t help, I still looked at you. After a few weeks, finally, I sat behind you, looking at the gray hair on your head. I think it is also too hard to study, perhaps like me, and because of the miss. Another chance coincidence, I became a table with you, always passive I also took the initiative to approach you, do the usual table will do things, you like to stay up late, and sometimes doze off, I became your little sentry. Although I do not stay up late, I also have the habit of dozing off, but looking at you sleeping, I no longer want to sleep. At that time, we were inseparable, perhaps the closest friends in the world. I saw you as loving as a lover. I laughed with you and cried with you, even though you never cried.

I tell you everything about me, and you tell me your sorrows. I understand you, but you can’t see through me, and I don’t know if that’s why we’re estranged. Fate ran out, and you were placed in the top left corner of the classroom while I was in the top right corner. I panicked, and for some reason, I also privately begged the teacher to move me back, even if it was just a little closer, a little closer. You quickly made new friends, and the extremely introverted me was at a loss for words. My new deskmate was nice and civil, except that my thoughts of you had long since drowned out the sound of his voice calling me. Mornings, afternoons, any time we were supposed to be together, we went nowhere. Our communication, movements, and even eyes are less and less, gradually fading away, far away. Now you, more and more gray hair, I know you still like to stay up late, but you never dozed off again while I was in place, fell asleep, and never woke up. I know we can’t go back; I hope you’re well; I wish you happiness.

Some people say that a friend is a lover, the meaning of a friend is a relative, and a friend is a very person in front of you. The only thing in front of me is a white mist that envelops my eyes, and I can’t look at your face again.

I only wish you happiness, health, and going well.

Mu Tu “木土”, which literally means The Wood and The Soil, is my pen name for this article. Initially published in Qicao Literature - The Sprout of the Colorful Stones (Issue 36) on May 30, 2015.